Rim Stinger VIII, 2011 - Heythrop Park, Oxfordshire

Champion: JAMES STEWART (34 points)

Runner up: Vince Holmes

Competitors: 14

Challenge Winner: Neil Williamson (34 points)

Bag o'shite awarded to: Stuart Ervine (19 points)

Pairs winners: Andrew Henderson & Neil Williamson

Debuts: Mike Turner

5 cap award: Charles Holmden, Stuart Ervine

The montage for Rim Stinger VIII can be seen here, find out how 2011 turned out to be the year of the 'Stewrat'!

“Man blames fate for all manner of accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.” On this basis one presumes that the Rimstinger Organising Committee Chairman James Stewart will be taking the credit for his swash-buckling performance on Saturday to earn the right to place the coveted “RS VIII” after his name. It is these hallowed letters and roman numerals that golfers throughout the world dream of only in their wildest moments of daring, and “The Stewrat” now deservedly joins the Rimstinger pantheon of golfing greats. The magnificent seven are now eight – and they are all modern wonders of the golfing world.

Before the tournament, the talk was of a new statistical concept in sport – the so-called“pinnacle of randomness” – a peak that can be seen only fleetingly in the imaginary landscape behind the numbers, a landscape which for the Rimstinger competitor must surely be dominated by bunkers and water rather than fairways and greens. How fitting therefore that the winner has been famed for flummoxing the handicapper with his erratic displays over the years. In the final reckoning, it is the new Champion’s long-standing love affair with randomness which has made him into the most successful Rimstinger competitor ever.

And so to the day itself. The mood on the first tee was one of heightened anticipation and untrammelled optimism. These feelings soon drained away for the vast majority as the shanks, scuffs, tops and hooks took over and the blobs started to mount. As the round progressed, shoulders began to hunch and brows to furrow, as the realisation dawned that another year of painstaking preparation was to result in no more than a dour and gritty scrap to avoid the whiff of the bag o’ shite in one’s luggage on the journey home. Stuart Ervine eventually emerged victorious in this keenly contested battle, racing off to a Take That concert with the unpleasant odour of faeces in his nostrils.

Only one competitor’s shoulders remained proudly pinned back and upright and with an opening salvo of three pars, the brow of James Stewart was to remain open and smooth as he forged an unassailable lead. His ‘A’ game came to the fore: the inter-galactic drives, majestic irons and sensuous short-game all started to sing together in a glorious and harmonious chorus, heralding the coming of age of a new Champion. And so, unabashed by the cries of “bandit” and “you’re going to be raped tonight” ringing out from the galleries, the Champion-elect strode up the 18^th fairway with a spring in his heel, swinging his club over his hip like a sharp-shooter with an air of satisfied nonchalance. There was a curious mixture of applause and indignation on the last green as the new Champion completed the formalities, however once personal disappointments were cast to one side there was widespread acknowledgement from the gathering throng of a fine performance and a resounding 5-shot victory.

Once again the Rimstinger has proven itself as a tournament to rank with the very best in the sporting calendar. Three cheers for RS VIII at Heythrop Park, which will forever more be remembered as “The Year of the Stewrat”!

Group photo from 2011, a photograph taken by Status Quo's bus driver. Indeed.