RS X - La Manga, Spain

In recognition of it being the tenth tournament, Rim Stinger X was the first to take place abroad (unless you count Wales). La Manga had the honour of hosting the event which was specially extended to four days with the Rim Stinger itself taking place over 36 holes. Four days, and three memorable nights.

The first day is traditionally the pairs event and this year was no different with La Manga’s West Course the venue. Battling evening mosquitoes, distracting views and a 3am wake up call that morning, Richard Jones and Richard Aylmer (aka ‘The Two Dicks’) emerged triumphant laying down an early marker of their form and confidence. (Predictably, this was offset by an Emergency Handicap reduction of one and two shots respectively).

On the first evening the only rookie Mark Bamber joined the group, having flown in hot from New York. His first involvement with the Rim Stinger fraternity was to witness the Friday night EHC. As a rookie that no one had seen play for some time, there was considerable nervousness about his form and ability. This ultimately resulted in a one shot penalty despite not having played the day – he did in fact (naively) volunteer this and after his scores settled nicely in the lower end of the standings over the weekend he could be confident in his award of ‘Rookie of the Year’ and of an invitation to next year’s event.

That night, however, he and everyone else witnessed what we thought at the time would be one of the more likely contenders for champagne moment as Paul Henderson (weight: undisclosed but substantial) in pursuit of a one shot handicap increase moved his dancing from the dance floor to the top of La Manga’s house grand piano. Videos exist but they have been confiscated. He was followed in this by Jim Willson which did not give the piano much time to recover. Sadly, Paul and Jim had not listened to the full criteria for a handicap increase (‘dance on the piano while the singer is singing’) and their handicaps remained in place, which is more than can be said for the piano.

The first day of the Rim Stinger itself fortunately had an afternoon tee time so after enjoying a narrow win for the Lions, defending champion Andy Henderson, RS IX, teed off first on the South Course in the Champion’s Group (rookie Mark Bamber and room mate David Zarmalwal very nearly teed off on the North Course - the handicap consequences had they done so remain unclear). Defending bag o’shite holder James Stewart RS VIII, BoS IX was fully kitted out in the figure-hugging bag o’shite shirt. It had been agreed that he and Stu Ervine, BoS VIII, who had not defended his title the previous year, would wear the shirt one day each before handing it on to whoever stepped forward as BoS X. After two days in La Manga’s heat it would be more than a little fragrant.

The highlight of the first day of the main event and the champagne moment to end all champagne moments took place near the fifth green. The final group out (Messrs Ellerker, Zarmalwal, Willson and Bamber) attracted the attention of some female fans in overlooking villas. They were beckoned up. Since a) there was no one behind them, b) the group in front were breaking slow play records and c) there was champagne and the girls were topless, they accepted the invitation. What happened next is censored to protect the innocent.

The leader after 18 holes was James Stewart with 30 points, one point ahead of Jim Willson in second and four ahead of Chris Ellerker in third. More importantly he was 16 points clear of Paul Henderson whose 14 points put him in pole position for the bag o’ shite although defending champion Andy Henderson and rookie Mark Bamber were also marooned in the teens.

A ruling had been made that no overnight handicap adjustments could be made between the first and second day of the Rim Stinger. However, this did not appear to apply to drinking penalties or how late players were required to remain ‘out’ that night. The leader was plied with much rose wine and whiskey. So was the second placed man. The third placed man (Mr C Ellerker) initially failed to enter into the spirit of the occasion and refused to take his medicine. All sorts of threats and conventions of the Handicap Committee were made, but ultimately he came good with a decision to hit the amaretto once dinner had been adjourned and the group had moved on to Mulligans.

Ah, Mulligans. Here is where the bar bill took some serious punishment. Memories are somewhat dimmed but here are some of the key findings:

- Chris ‘amaretto’ Ellerker drank a LOT of amaretto

- The Henderson Twins brought the house down with their rendition of ‘Angels’ at the Mulligans karaoke

- Richie Jones and Jose Lourtie’s painful rendition of ‘Bat Out of Hell’ (long version) is, I believe, still going

- Charles Holmden was spotted wearing fairy wings in an attempt to chat up the local Spanish talent

- The overnight leader was in the first group to retire for the night (3.30am)

- The overnight leader was woken when the last group to retire returned (6.00am)

- The overnight leader was showered with his clubs and woke up cuddling his putter

The second round started at 11am. At 10.55 there was a deathly hush on the first tee as not one Rim Stinger was present. Nonetheless, at 11am all 12 were fully present and correct which is testament to their stamina and desire. As preparation for the biggest round of their golfing careers, however, this was not out of the coaching manual (except perhaps John Daly’s). This was further evidenced with Paul Henderson’s opening drive (left, heading further left, gone).

The Rim Stingers had teed off in reverse order and at the turn James Stewart was still in front with a four point lead over Chris Ellerker in second place, Jim’s challenge having faltered from the start. However, not helped by coming a cropper in the biggest bunker in Europe and hitting successive balls into a grateful neighbouring farmer’s field, the leader could only manage seven points on the back nine and was ultimately pipped to the post by a deserving Chris Ellerker who made a par on the tricky 18^th to claim the title by one point. Equal second was Richie Jones who made the high score of the second round (29 points) and was left to rue his pairs win that cost him a handicap reduction.

Both champion and bag o’shite holder (Paul Henderson) were disappointed by their sartorial awards. Chris felt that the winner’s shirt lacked his customary flamboyance, whereas Paul required a full minute to get into his sweaty shirt (and a full 10 minutes to get out of it). I pity next year’s bag o’shite winner who will inherit it.

Another late night followed as the champion selected yet more amaretto to set him up for a second successive 6am finish at Mulligans. He appeared to attract much female interest in the bar, although it turned out that it was the champion’s jacket that they really wanted to be seen near.

The final round, as usual, was played for money, this time on the North Course. Chris received a five point handicap cut (to 8) while the runners up were docked two each. Despite this reduction, the Organising Committee Chairman managed to win the money for a world record-breaking third time, a win which propelled him to the top of the Rim Stinger Index (to not-very-near universal acclaim). The Chairman of the Handicap Committee, in his motion-restrictive bag o’ shite crop top, could be heard declaring a plague of biblical proportions on the OCC’s handicap, although the win in the end was by the margin of just one point. If we’re honest, with nine holes to go in both the Rim Stinger itself and in the money challenge, the OCC led by four points and nearly choked both times.

The group had been requested to check out prior to their final round, no exceptions. However, once the current state of the bar bill was reviewed by hotel management, a new policy was set out: “Ah, room 262. 262, you can check out whenever you like”.

After the great success of Rim Stinger X, further overseas tournaments are certain. In the meantime, congratulations to Chris Ellerker, RS X and all the event winners, and thank you to everyone for undoubtedly the best Rim Stinger yet.